Husband in ruins

Victoria: My husband's career is in ruins.

Julia: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that!

Victoria: There's nothing to be sorry about. He's an archaeologist.

* * * * *

managing director's recommendations

The managing director looked around the boardroom after making his speech in favour of a particular course of action and...

"Now", he said, "we'll take a vote on my recommendations. All those in opposition raise your right arm and say 'I resign'."

* * * * *

Dumbo and Bambo

Dumbo: I've just lost my dog.

Bambo: Why don't you put an advertisement in the paper?

Dumbo: Don't be silly -my dog can't read.

* * * * *

The reality...!

True Friends stand by you in your bad times.

Do you want documentary proof for this?

Just check out your marriage album, you will see all true friends surrounding you!


Moral: Only a 'married' person knows, what exactly it means.

* * * * *

Link between statistics and bikinis

Professor: "How closely can you define the word 'statistics'?"

Student: "Statistics are like bikinis -what they reveal is suggestive, what they hide is essential."

* * * * *

'Sentence making' with 'I'

Teacher: "Make a sentence that starts with 'I'."

Student: "I is..."

Teacher: "No Steefen, there can't be 'is' after 'I'. It is always followed by 'am'."

Student: "Okay, I am the ninth alphabet!"

* * * * *

Man, 'Money' and Woman

A man will pay $2 for a $1 iteam he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 iteam that she doedn't need, but is on sale.

* * * * *

Experience

Question: Explain the meaning of experience, with an example.

Answer: Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.

* * * * *

Honest Confession

My accountant told me that the only reason why my business is looking up is because it was lying flat on it's back.

Moral: That's what is called, 'reality packaged with humour'.

* * * * *

MAIN ENTRANCE

A broker was dismayed when a brand new real estate office, much like his own, opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST AGENTS'.

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right and announced his arrival with an even bigger sign, reading 'LOWEST COMMISSIONS'.

The broker panicked, until he got an idea.

He put the biggest sign of all, over his own real estate office.

It read: 'MAIN ENTRANCE'.

* * * * *

The Financial Planner

An out-of-work Financial Planner to his ex-client, who's now bankrupt:

"I was a successful Financial Planner until I started listening to my own advice!"

* * * * *

Marriage blues

Some wise men had said sometime:

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man worries about his future after he gets a wife.

* * * * *

Dumbo and Bambo

Dumbo: "When I was a child, I fell from a 15th storey of our block of apartments.

Bambo: "Were you killed or did you survive?

Dumbo: "Actually, I don't remember; it was such a long time back!"

* * * * *

WORLD CUP NEWS 2019

A Blogger's thought on CRICKET WORLD CUP News 2019:

Rahul Dravid, coach of New Zealand, says, "Sachin Tendulkar should now consider retiring gracefully and let his son take over captaincy of the Indian team."

* * * * *

System Administrator -Who?

Who's a System Administrator? What does he do?

Web Search result: A System Administrator is like Santa Claus, nobody knows what he does most of the time.

* * * * *

The Waiter and the man

Inside a restaurant, a man was just about to start having his snacks he ordered, when he noticed something.

The man: "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!"

Waiter: "Don't worry sir, the spider on the bread roll will get it."

* * * * *

Applicant's IQ

Foreman: "Can you brew a good cup of tea?"

Applicant: "Yes."

Foreman: "Can you drive a stacker truck?"

Applicant: "Why? Is it a big teapot?"

* * * * *

American Idol judge to a contestant

Simon: "What normally happens when you sing in public, Deborah?"

Deborah: "I've had a few people cry."

Simon: "I can believe that."


Note: This was a practical joke by American Idol 2007 judge Simon Cowell to the contestant Deborah. Source -The Times, London.

* * * * *

It's easy to say if a man is married!

It's easy to say if a man is married or not!

Just watch him drive a car with a woman beside him.

If both his hands are on the wheel, then he surely is married.

* * * * *

Smart fat lady

During the interval of the movie-show, a very fat lady got up and stepped painfully on the man's toes, seated beside her, while squeezing past him into the aisle.

A short time later, when the movie resumed after the break, the lady returned with some popcorn packets and asked the man, "Did I tread on your toes, young man?"

"I'm afraid, you did! And you didn't even appologise." said the man.

"Good!" snapped the lady. "Then this is my row."

* * * * *